Dark Shadows Is "Love Letter To Horror Fans"

TD’s thoughts:

I’ll start this off by making it quite clear that I cannot call myself a fan of the original Dark Shadows TV show. I have only vague memories of seeing it on occasion when I was extremely young. To be perfectly honest, I had never even really thought about the show again since then. That is until last year when I heard that The Bromantic Pair, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, were adapting a feature film based on the show.  That pair is usually magic together, although I must admit to having never cared for Edward Scissorhands, which was the start of their partnership, and not exactly being blown away by anything other than Visual Effects in the recent films Alice In Wonderland and Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. I would, however, give four out of the seven films they have worked on together anywhere from a passing grade (Corpse Bride, Sleepy Hollow) to extremely high marks (Ed Wood, Sweeney Todd) so I decided I definitely had to give Dark Shadows a chance.

Much like Barnabas says to one of the victims he’s feeding on, “You have no idea how thirsty I’ve been”…for an actual good vampire film to come around these last few years. There have been a few here and there (Stake Land comes to mind), but for the most part we have been fed nothing but absolute drivel. Leave it to Tim Burton to throw his hat in the genre fire and watch it burn brighter than a thousand suns!

I absolutely adore everything about this film. First and foremost, I love how Depp is so into playing the character of Barnabas. It is like he is discovering his love of acting all over again, feeling like the first time. I know from many interviews with him that this guy would probably be happier if he had made it as a musician, rather than actor. This is one of the few times (Ed Wood is another rare example) that I can tell he is having an enormous amount of fun playing the character. As the film progresses, and every line he speaks just reinforces this belief. It is as if he knows that there is a chance he will only be able to play the lead character from a TV show that he adores once in his life, and damned if he isn’t going to throw every ounce of energy he can into this performance. He is absolutely mesmerizing in the role. I will argue with anyone who wants to, that this is probably the defining performance of his career. 

The story is pretty straightforward, which I really appreciated. I was a little concerned going into this, thinking that I would enjoy it more had I known the many storylines from the TV show. That is absolutely not the case at all. If anything, I would imagine it might hinder it a bit, because you would be comparing the two while watching the film.

Barnabas makes the (as it turns out) quite foolish mistake of breaking a woman’s, named Angelique (played by the stunning Eva Green,) heart. Unfortunately for Old Barn, this woman just happens to be a witch. Apparently the evil and powerful ones aren’t all decrepit hags, because she curses Barnabas but good. He gets turned into a Vampire, and if that isn’t bad enough, she decides to have him buried alive for a 200 year dirt nap. Eventually he gets out of this predicament, and returns to his family’s mansion in the year 1972. He finds the mansion in disrepair, and his descendants are in much the same shape! 

The main criticism I have heard about this film is that Burton isn’t really stretching himself as a director. I’m not putting a whole lot of stock in that claim. This doesn’t feel like a film that I’ve seen from him before, even though it obviously has his stamp all over it. If you come across a Tim Burton film, you will know it is his work within five minutes. There isn’t a higher compliment I can pay to a Director than that. What I said about Depp loving the material applies to Tim Burton as well. I can tell that a lot of care was put into getting this note perfect, and the end result is anything but paint by numbers. The film does feature Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter as Burton has cast many times before, but there is a reason they are there - Depp is the Marlon Brando of our time, and Helena Bonham Carter may be Burton’s partner in real life, but she wouldn’t be any more than a bit part in one of Burton’s films if she wasn’t a damn good actress.

The supporting cast is extremely solid as well. Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen, Freddy Krueger in the criminally underrated remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street) is hilarious as drunkard Caretaker Willie Loomis, Michelle Pfeiffer reunites with Burton after 20 years earlier, meowing and hissing her way into my heart as Catwoman, rising young star Chloë Grace Moretz grows up before our eyes as Carolyn Stoddard, and we even get a fantastic cameo by my personal favorite Vampire of all time…Christopher Lee! He appears in a fantastic silver screen role reversal that was a ton of fun to watch, albeit brief. If I ever meet Tim Burton, I’m buying him a beer for that quick scene alone!  Well, that and the fact that he allowed Alice Cooper  two songs in his cameo, and one of them is one of my absolute favorite Alice tunes of all time. Not going to post the song title for the Alice fans who might be reading this, though. I want them to be as surprised as I was!

Having given all of the above praise, I will fully admit that this film, for the most part, is NOT going to be accepted by mainstream audiences. There are a couple of scenes that come to mind that just aren’t the “kid friendly” kind of safe that appease the masses.  On top of that, Burton just isn’t going to give you one tone with his films, and pretty much never really has. There are always a range of emotions going on in Burton’s films. This one is no exception. It’s as if he is deliberately making sure the tone does not sway too far in any one direction. He refuses to allow his films to be pigeonholed, and should be loudly applauded for staying true to his vision.

I want to truly thank Tim Burton and Johnny Depp from the bottom of my black heart for loving Dark Shadows enough to decide to deliver this wonderful film to the masses. It is a riotously entertaining love letter to Horror fans the world over, and I, for one, cannot wait for the Bluie release to take many more trips into the Shadows for many years to come.  Bravo, gentlemen.

Four ½ JAWS Barrels Out Of Five

Boo’s Thoughts:

Truthfully, I don’t have that much to add, because my ever articulate husband has already said much of what needs to be said. I had no doubts that I would love this film. I’m one of the biggest Tim Burton marks out there. I was nine or ten when I first saw Beetlejuice and it was the greatest thing in the world! Never before had a movie so resonated with little Boo’s fanciful heart. 

And Burton has never disappointed me since. Wait, there was that Edward Scissorhands movie. Apparently I’m in the minority (so it’s lucky I found TD!), in that I found Scissorhands to be so boring. Maybe it’s because I’m not really a froo-froo-lovey-movie kind of girl (though Sense & Sensibility will get me every time). Or maybe it’s because Johnny Depp was so not as hot as he should be. Or maybe it’s just because I can’t watch that movie without obsessing over the big question, “How the hell does that guy wipe after taking a shit?!” Whatever it is, it didn’t do it for me.

But that movie aside, Burton has never disappointed me. And Dark Shadows is no exception.

I just have to reiterate how unfair I think some reviewers comments have been. Burton’s being lazy? America has fallen out of love with Johnny Depp? This just doesn’t make any sense to me. Maybe these comments are derived from the fact that Burton and Depp do their own thing now, march to their own drummer, and therefore are whittling their audiences down to the most diehard, loyal fans. If that’s the case, more power to them. As two cinematic titans, these two have put in their time, made their money, and are more than entitled to make the movies they want to make, and not necessarily the movies the masses want to see.

But I also have to wonder if those reviewers were ones that had sentimental attachments to the TV series. If you’re a super fan of the TV series, loved the tortured and morose Barnabas Collins, then this might not be the movie for you. And that’s understandable. I feel your pain, peeps. As a monster fan of the Sookie Stackhouse books, I’m having some serious issues with True Blood. Like why is Tara such a, hateful, angry bitch? Is it really necessary to spend half of every goddamn episode in bed with Sookie and Eric? AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT STUPID HEAVENLY LIGHT SHOOTING FROM SOOKIE’S PALM?!

Okay, I have to stop, I’m getting heartburn.

So, yeah, get out there and see Dark Shadows. It may not appeal to the masses, but it should appeal to all of our fellow horror fans!

Click here to see the trailer for Dark Shadows.

Never Cry Werewolf Cries, "Fright Night Did It!"

Ever wonder what Fright Night would have been like with werewolves instead of vampires? Well, folks, you need look no further to satisfy your curiosity than the movie Never Cry Werewolf.

This movie is the lovechild of some screenwriter (John Sheppard) and a Fright Night obsession. From character names, to camera work, to its plot, this movie mimics everything Fright Night. But it is also obvious this movie knows it's being shameless, probably even finds it as funny as me,  which always makes for a better viewing experience with these low budget, made for TV movies.

We have some notables in this film. Our Charley Brewster type character in this flick is Loren, played by Nina Dobrev, who is now the star of the TV series, Vampire Diaries. Our Jerry Dandridge in werewolf form is played by Peter Stebbings. Stebbings, who looks as if Gary Sinise and David Bowie mated, has a career that is pretty mundane, with mostly television gigs under his belt. I actually remembered him from the X-Files episode, "Gender Bender", in which he has a significant part. But the reason you pay your money for this flick is to see Kevin Sorbo, who we all know from the TV series Hercules, playing a Peter Vincent meets Crocodile Hunter character to fight alongside Dobrev and defeat the shapeshifting evil, whose name is...(wait for it)...Jared.

So, since I'm assuming most of my readers (all three of you) are familiar with Fright Night, I don't need to give any kind of plot summary of Never Cry Werewolf. But whereas vampire Jerry came across as dangerous, yet alluring, werewolf Jared just comes across as a serious creeper. It's ironic, too, considering the opening of our movie shows Jared in werewolf form killing the neighborhood child molester. Perhaps he just didn't want the competition.

His creeper image isn't helped by the fact that Dobrev looks like she is twelve years old, sweet and innocent, unspoiled by life and its nasty surprises. Surprisingly, though, Dobrev's sweet and pretty face doesn't hide the bad acting performance. Usually I'm able to blame bad screenwriting for some of these actors' poor performance, but not this one. The script was actually competent, and fairly witty, but for some reason, Dobrev often comes across as emotionless, not very present in her character. It's only near the end, when she turns into a survivor, rather than a child preyed upon by a supernatural creeper, that we start to see why she's gone on to have some notable success.

I was never a consistent Hercules watcher, but for many years it preceded Sci-Fi reruns of The X-Files, so I did watch several episodes in my time. And I can see why the show was successful. Kevin Sorbo is a likable guy. Maybe not the best actor, but a genuine one, and it's easy to feel a connection with his onscreen presence. It was no different in Never Cry Werewolf. He was clearly the veteran actor on this film, giving some of his fellow, younger cast members a lesson or two in how to deliver a performance.

I also have to give props to the Evil Ed of the film, a classmate of Loren's named Steve, played by Sam O'Neill, who is clearly tripping over himself to get closer to Loren. He finally gets his chance and, of course, ends up bitten by Jared, and subjected to a painful werewolf transformation with lots of vomiting and other unpleasantness. Unfortunately, O'Neill has seemed to drop out of the acting biz, never doing another movie after Never Cry Werewolf. Which is kind of a shame, because he put his heart and soul into his performance, and was able to maintain his character even through some heavy duty makeup.

I give this movie a lot of grief, but the truth is, I enjoyed it. It's amusing. Maybe not so much for the reasons the filmmakers intended, but amusing nonetheless. After all, art speaks differently to each person. Or maybe it's just a case of one man's garbage is another man's treasure.

Hoodoo Voodoo? RiffTrax Do!

After decades of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fandom, TD and I have ventured into the RiffTrax world. For those of you who aren't familiar with RiffTrax, MST3K's Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo), and Bill Corbett (Crow) do what they did best in MST3K, riffing on movies with their rapier wit, but without the iconic visuals of our puppet friends in the theater. We actually popped our RiffTrax cherry last week with a movie called  Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Yeah, don't ask. I don't have much to say about it, except it was single handedly the weirdest movie I have ever seen. Pretty sure the entire crew was taking regular doses of acid during the making of that movie.

This week, however, we watched the boys riff a Bela Lugosi movie called Voodoo Man. Really, there is not much to say about this movie, either, but it was just a smidgeon more coherent than Santa. Lugosi plays Dr. Richard Marlowe, our Voodoo man, and kidnaps lots of young females, hypnotizes them, and...well, just hypnotizes them, I guess. The movie never really makes it clear what exactly Marlowe wants from his victims. Thank the gods for IMDB! He is apparently combining voodoo and hypnotism to "transfer life essence" from the victims to "revivify" his dead wife. (For the record, revivify is actually a real word!)

Lugosi was never famed for making wise choices in movie roles, and this one was certainly not one of his finest. He spends the majority of the time in a choir robe with cheap sew-on patches, very reminiscent of the Master in Manos: The Hands of Fate. Maybe if I had some actual sense of plot, I could say if Lugosi was doing a competent job or not, but truthfully, I just couldn't get past trying to figure out what the fuck was going on! But really, Lugosi is Lugosi regardless of the movie. Kind of a one trick pony, but it's a trick that never gets old for me.

Also in this movie is John Carradine, the late David Carradine's father. But don't get your hopes up. Carradine delivers by far the goofiest performance of the movie, making Lugosi's poorly patched choir robes look downright dignified. There was weird facial expressions, gawky body movements. I get that we wanted this character to be a bumbling fool, but was it really necessary to push him darn near "full retard"? TD is convinced Crispin Glover channeled this Carradine character for his Back to the Future's George McFly performance, because their physical presence and facial expressions are so similar. Only Glover exemplifies an ability to use restraint, keeping it mildly goofy and wholly entertaining.  

The movie's incompetence aside, Mike, Kevin, and Bill are strong as ever in their riffs. And now that they are not under the constraints of network television, they can take their riffing as far as they see fit. They don't abuse their power, though, and still rely on subtle insinuations, which are often funnier than a the brash or in your face riffs that could be used instead, which after all, is the trademark of the MST3K legacy.

If you're a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, you must check out RiffTrax. If you're not a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, you still must check out RiffTrax. Just don't start with Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, because that's ivy league stuff, and might leave you feeling mentally violated. We don't want you to be afraid to return to the RiffTrax pool, after all!

Click here to check out Voodoo Man, or (at your own risk) Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, and all the other movies RiffTrax has to offer.  

Less Chatter, More Vampire Wars!

Posted by Boo

This weekend, my movie choice was a futuristic vampire move called Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe.  I only had to read the first half of the first sentence of the plot synopsis to know this was a movie made for me. “In 2210, mankind has explored the space and found a vampiric menace…” Oh yeah. I’m in. And if that wasn’t enough, the little note on the back of the case stating, “Rated R for intense gore and violence” sealed the deal.

IMDB describes this films as “’Buffy’ meets ‘Star Trek’ in a ‘Mad Max’ world.” I beg to differ. I would describe it as “The-Director-Wanted-To-Wear-His-Movie-Influences-On-His-Sleeve”. Which results in a movie that looks like if Aliens mated with the original Predator and then that movie-baby mated with a vampire. From character personalities, to set design, to the camerawork, it was all very obvious what movies this film crew watches on the weekends. And they didn’t bother making any attempt to hide it. Our vampire killing team even uses these influences to label their types of vampires: Vorhees, Leatherfaces…and let me tell you, folks, the “Leatherface” vampires don’t disappoint.

There are some noteworthy actors in Vampire Wars, which is also known as Bloodsuckers. There is Joe Lando, who some of you might remember as Jane Seymour’s hunk of burning love from the TV series Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Personally, I never watched the show (snore), but Lando spent several seasons on the show before Vampire Wars, and therefore it is noteworthy.

We also have Dominic Zamprogna, who spent a couple of years as a recurring character on Battlestar Galactica, and as of 2009 has had a steady career on the daytime soap Guiding Light.

Then there is the ever endearing Michael DeLuise, whom I know best as one of the camera crew for Wayne and Garth in the ever hilarious Wayne’s World movie. But Michael also played a younger version of his older brother, Peter, in several episodes of 21 Jumptstreet.

But what seems to surprise most viewers of this film is the presence of Michael Ironside. My hubby remembers the guy from the 1981 flick, Scanners (which I still have yet to see, by the way – I know, shame on me!). The name isn’t familiar to me, but looking through his resume on IMDB, this guy has kept busy. From Scanners to Total Recall, to Free Willy, to voiceovers in the Splinter Cell video games, this guy has his finger in lots of pies.

And then there is the real star of this film, the one where every review I read has nothing but gushing words to say about them – or their skimpy outfits. And that is Natassia Malthe. Malthe’s IMDB resume isn’t so noteworthy to me, but she was in the 2006 werewolf movie Skinwalkers, which I’ve heard was decent. But really, judging from the drooling IMBD posts I’ve read, Malthe could be famous for Depends commercials and there would still be mass amounts of horny boys, and some horny girls, overloading YouTube as they try to get a glimpse of this beauty in a pair of adult diapers. Malthe as Quintanna was my favorite “good guy” character in the movie. She wasn’t the greatest actress in the film, but obviously enjoyed playing her Underworld Selene-esk type of character, and it was actually kind of endearing, to be honest.

I’d summarize the plot for you, but in all honesty, it was unnecessarily intricate, too many pieces and too much drama between too many sets of people. I became lost halfway through the movie. But that’s okay, because I didn’t need any real sense of plot to enjoy the villainous, savage, and homicidal vampires this movie gave me. Every single actor that played a vampire put their heart into the role. They went balls out, weren’t afraid to come off as silly, and even seemed proud to be in this TV movie piece of cheese, and it resulted in some very campy, but creepy vampires.  

Michael Ironside, who played Muco, one of the top vampires, was no exception. While some online reviews claimed he embarrassed himself by appearing in this movie, I disagree. I thought his character was witty, amusing, and executed with a level of esteem that brought some credibility to the film. Yeah, he was surrounded by amateurs, but he certainly didn’t let that stop him from giving a rock star performance.



Phleg is one bad ass vamp, dude.



My favorite vampire character, though, goes to Phleg, played by David Palffy. My fellow X-Files nerds will remember Palffy as season four’s Dark Man in the episodes “Max” and “Tempus Fugit”. Phleg is a smarmy prick of a vampire, willing to go to any lengths to save his own ass. My favorite kind! And Palffy played it perfectly. I liked it so much I think Phleg should get his own spin-off movie. Maybe even his own reality TV series!

My main criticism of Vampire Wars is its failure to deliver on any kind of coherent plot. It’s another situation where our director, Matthew Hastings, maybe too immersed in his own work to see it, missed the mark on what the movie’s strengths and weaknesses were. The action, the gore, the witty banter between our heroes and villains – those all worked for me. But then we’d take detours into the personal lives of our heroes. Messy relationships, misunderstandings, lots of petty bickering. Petty bickering which was doled out so passionately in one scene, but then so easily forgiven in the next with mundane words and pointless actions. And then a few scenes later, we’re right back to passionate, petty bickering again. It was all very schizophrenic.

Overall, the vampires in Vampire Wars are what makes this movie most enjoyable. This originally aired on the Sci-Fi network (before they changed it to that stupid SyFy logo), and I was proud that the filmmakers did not skimp on the gore. Some of these SyFy made-for-TV-movies are a little too timid with their gore and violence, attempting to cater to more mainstream masses. But really, let’s be honest, what Suzi Homemaker or Average Joe is sitting down on a Saturday morning to watch Vampire Wars on SyFy? These people are more into drivel like The Artist and The Tree of Life. It’s nerds like us, the ones that love horror and science fiction – and maybe even go so far as to get an X-Files tattoo – that are even bothering to give a move like this a chance.

So, goddammit, Syfy, cater to us!

Frank-lee Lacking...

Posted by TD

I’ve been on quite the Hammer Horror kick lately. I’ve always wanted to get into the Hammer Collection, but I didn’t really know where to start. I had seen Horror Of Dracula, The Curse Of Frankenstein, and a couple of others when I was young, but I knew there was much more to be discovered in the Hammer canon. The latest issue of the excellent magazine Horrorhound has remedied that little problem. They did a great piece on Christopher Lee, and included a “Hammer Horror Buyers Guide” which I have utilized to purchase several different Hammer Horror DVD collections on eBay. I’ll be reviewing films from the various collections as I watch them in future posts on the blog.

This was the first Frankenstein film from the aforementioned collections that I had never seen before. I’ve actually never seen the first Frankenstein sequel, The Revenge Of Frankenstein, but since that one isn’t included in any of the sets I purchased, I’m just going to have to deal with seeing them out of order. Especially considering the fact that I watched the sequel that was released after this one Frankenstein Created Woman on IFC last Halloween.

The popular opinion seems to be that this is one of the lesser entries in Hammer’s Frankenstein film series.  Sadly I can’t say I completely disagree.

The film begins with Frankenstein, played, as usual, to perfection by the “great in everything” Peter Cushing, and his assistant Hans (Sandor Eles) fleeing town due to his experiments. They end up at his chateau to find out that it has been ransacked. Frankenstein and Hans then head into Karlstaad, which Old Frank was banished from years before, for his not-so-beloved-by-the-public experimental ways. They hope to slide through unnoticed, luckily for them, there is a carnival going on. They get made when Frankenstein sees that the Burgomaster is wearing one of his rings, which leads to Frankenstein having a meltdown in a crowded tavern. They are then chased out of town and into some mountains where a little, deaf-mute girl lets them stay in her cave. This is where they see The Monster chilling in a block of ice out of nowhere and the “fun” is supposed to begin. 

Too bad The Monster doesn’t listen to the Doc’s commands when they thaw him out. This means he has to enlist the help of the Carnival Hypnotist, Professor Zoltan (Peter Woodthorpe) who just might be one of the most finely tuned douchebag characters ever to be captured on film. Things rapidly go downhill from there, as they usually do when you’re dealing with a tool like Zoltan.

This by no means was what I would call a “bad” film, but when comparing it to a masterpiece like The Curse Of Frankenstein, it really doesn’t hold up too well. The Cinematography and Set Design are up to the usual Hammer standards, as the picture is quite beautiful, but I have to say I found myself missing something.

Or missing someone is more accurate, actually.

I REALLY missed the presence of Christopher Lee as The Monster! I know Bela Lugosi complained in Ed Wood that Karloff’s portrayal of The Monster was “all makeup and moaning”, but I respectfully disagree.

I know that we’re talking about Lee and not Karloff here, but the point I’m making is that there IS an art form to playing a Monster who doesn’t speak. Lee is such a fine actor that it didn’t matter that he didn’t speak a word for his performance in The Curse of Frankestein, because what he exuded just in his eyes could go from being genuinely frightening to painfully sad in a matter of seconds. Kiwi Kingston's Creature just sort of lumbers around without ever really evoking much emotion for the character. I don’t think he did a poor job, but he did have some (pardon the pun) awful big shoes to fill after a legend like Christopher Lee’s performance. The creature design is also done rather poorly. It was so goofy looking that it made me think Adam Green might have been parodying it a bit with the design on Kane Hodder for his Chillerama entry “The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein”!

Aside from those criticisms the story is also really silly. I just don’t see someone as intelligent as Dr. Frankenstein making some of the quite frankly idiotic decisions that he does in the film. I know we are supposed to suspend disbelief when we watch a movie, but there are times in this one that I find that really difficult to do.

The one saving grace that the film does have is Peter Cushing bringing his usual A Game to the table. I defy anyone to show me this guy giving a bad performance in anything. I always knew him as General “you may fire when ready” Tarkin from Star Wars, but I have quickly come to realize that this guy is one of my favorite actors ever to grace this planet. This is in large part due to his masterful performances in numerous Hammer Horror Films.  

Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are like the Tango & Cash of Classic Horror respectively. Great things usually seemed to happen when the two of them got together.  Unfortunately for the filmmakers, the “Cash” part of that duo decided that he wanted to do things other than play monsters all of the time and The Evil Of Frankenstein suffered for it.

The Evil Of Frankenstein will probably end up being my least favorite in Hammer’s Frankenstein series, but it earns an extra barrel alone for the fantastic Production Design, and the presence of a Screen Titan like Cushing. Though it is good to know (since I’ve already seen it) that things definitely got better in the series with the injection of some Estrogen in Frankenstein Created Woman.

Two and a half JAWS Barrels out of Five.

Click here tosee the trailer for The Evil of Frankenstein. 

Patience Were-ing Thin

Posted by TD

Hammer released numerous Vampire, Mummy, and Frankenstein flicks over the years, but The Curse Of The Werewolf was their sole journey into things that go howl into night.

The film begins with a rather bizarre segment showing a beggar being cruelly forced to act like a fool for food and drink by a hateful Marquis (Anthony Dawson) at the Marquis’ wedding celebration. The beggar is then imprisoned for making ill advised comments, and stays that way for 15 years, which seems a bit harsh. He befriends the jailer and his daughter while serving out his who-knows-how-long sentence. At one point, Marquis De Prick tries to get into the jailer’s daughter’s pants. When she refuses his advances, he throws her in the jail cell with the beggar. The beggar then inexplicably rapes her and promptly dies. The whole sequence is so confusing, and none of it is really ever explained, so I'm just  assuming that is what happens.

The day after being raped by the beggar, the daughter is released from the jail cell. Marquis apparently hasn’t learned his lesson, because he again tries to force himself on her, and pays for it with his life to the delight of all of those who respect women in the audience.  She then escapes and is found in the forest by Don Alfredo Corledo (Clifford Evans) who brings her back to his home. His housekeeper Teresa (Hira Talfey) then proceeds to nurse her back to health. The girl soon gives birth to a child that was apparently conceived during the rape from the beggar and much like the rapist beggar, promptly dies.  This happens on Christmas Day and according to Teresa is bad juju.

And FINALLY we start getting somewhere. All of the above takes an eternity to get going. And we still have no wolf!

Don and Teresa raise the boy , who they name Leon, and they mercifully flash forward to him as a grown man. I thought they did a great job aging the actors who played Don and Teresa.  Enter Oliver Reed (Proximo from Gladiator!) playing the adult and future Werewolf, Leon. Leon leaves home to go work at a vineyard. And it is finally at this point with over an hour invested in this 90 minute movie that we have a little Wolf action!

I have heard many fellow Horror fans giving this film a lot of love, and I have to admit, I feel like I’m missing something. Oliver Reed does a fine job in the role of Leon, the production design is the usual Hammer standard of excellence, but there just isn’t much aside from those things that I really liked about the film at all. It takes a millennium to get going, only to sputter out with a very disappointing ending, just when the whole thing started to get somewhat interesting.  I’m still surprised that Hammer never released another Werewolf film, but with a start as poor as this one, that is probably a good thing.

This was kind of a disappointing weekend of Hammer Horror picks for me. I’m not too worried though. I’ve seen enough of their quality films to know that the next five could be home runs. As Billy Bob Thornton said in Bad Santa, “They can’t all be winners.” Besides, had I not watched this film, I would have never looked at Oliver Reed’s Wikipedia page and found out that he exited this mortal coil in a LEGENDARILY badass fashion. Check this out - Reed died of a sudden heart attack during a break from filming Gladiator in Valletta, Malta May 2^nd, 1999. The heart attack was a result of a night of hard drinking, which included three bottles of downed rum and arm wrestling victories over five sailors. He was 61 years old at the time!

Two JAWS Barrels out of five

Click here to see the trailer for The Curse of The Werewolf.