Leslie Vernon Worms His Way Into Our Hearts...And Our Nightmares

Posted by Boo

Here’s a funny story. Several years ago TD kept hounding me to watch this movie called Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. I don’t know why, but I kept putting him off. I was coming off an era where I had been burned by his suggestions before and so I stubbornly refused time and time again. But he wasn’t having any of it. One day he put the disc in the DVD and player and said, “You are going to watch this flick, Boo. Because there is no way you will not love it.”

Hijacked, and a little annoyed about it, I relented. And, I’ll admit it, I pouted a little bit, too. But the pout didn’t last for long, because within the first ten minutes of the film, I was laughing my stubborn little ass off! At the end of the flick, I had to look at TD and say, “Okay, I will eat some major crow on that one.” As a result of that forced viewing, this movie has become one of my top ten horror flicks of all time.

Behind the Mask, directed by Scott Glosserman, is one of the most inventive horror movies I have ever seen. Filmed in mockumentary style, it is set in a world where all our favorite horror movie slashers are very alive and real. A journalist and her two man film crew travel to an unassuming small town called Glen Echo, to follow aspiring slasher, Leslie Vernon, as he meticulously prepares for his night of terror that will catapult him into the ranks of horror infamy, right alongside Jason Voorhees, Michael Meyers, and the like.  

I won’t say much more, because I don’t want to inadvertently spoil the flick, but I will say this movie has been hailed as the ultimate love letter to horror fans. Quite honestly, I’m always surprised that this movie has not gotten more attention from the horror community. The camera work is good, the script is amazing, and the actors are first class performers.

There are cameos from horror greats like Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, and Zelda Rubenstein. Also in the flick is Scott Wilson, who is probably most known for his role as Hershel Green in The Walking Dead. But the true star of this film is the relatively unknown Nathan Baesel, who plays Leslie Vernon. Baesel has an incredible ability to charm you in one second and scare the shit out of you in the next, and all with nothing more than a shift in his facial expression, effortlessly going from jovial to psycho. It is truly a shame that the Academy Awards refuses to recognize horror, because Baesel would easily be one of my picks to win an Oscar. He seriously is that good. Admittedly, I haven’t seen anything else he’s in, so maybe he is a one trick pony, but I don’t care. As Leslie Vernon, he is an absolute rock star.

I am revisiting this movie and putting my glowing review out there, because it is a movie that every horror fan needs to see. And while it has done solid sales in DVD’s, it should still be getting more attention. But it’s a small, independent horror flick and therefore doesn’t get the promotion it deserves. So I’m doing my part to spread the word.

I’m also revisiting this movie because Glosserman is set to make a sequel called Before The Mask: The Return of Leslie Vernon. But in a surprising turn of events, the distributor of the first film refused Glosserman, not only in financing, but in distribution for Leslie Vernon’s sequel. As a result, Glosserman is not only adding ingenuity to the horror franchise in the kind of movie he makes, but also in how the movie will be financed. Glosserman is setting out to have the first film to be funded by fans, horror movie lovers like you and me.

Glosserman gives several options for this venture, which can be found at the Before The Mask Kickstarter website. You can contribute as little as $5, or pre-order a special edition DVD/blu-ray of Before The Mask. Pledge enough and you get to be one of Leslie Vernon’s movie kills, or could even become an executive producer! I, for one, think this is a brilliant way to approach financing a film. In a time when movies are spinning out of control, studios making loads of garbage without any accountability to the fans, Glosserman has found a solution where he gets to make the movie he wants and fans get to intimately and directly support the movie they want – everybody wins! And I have put my money where my mouth is. When this film gets made, my name will be in the special thanks of the credits and I’ll get to watch those credits roll on my special edition blu-ray!

While it is a massive undertaking, Glosserman has reason to believe it’s workable. In an interview on twitchfilm.com he stated, “We sold mid six figure units on the original DVD and if half of those people spend twenty bucks pre-ordering the second film, then we’ve raised more than a million dollars.”

But, it must be done by August 9^th!

So, step one folks, get on Netflix or Amazon or whatever and watch Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. I promise you guys, you will love it so much you’ll have no problem plunking down the $20 or $30 to pre-order the DVD or blu-ray for Before The Mask. This brings me to step two: Go to the Before the Mask Kickstarter website to learn more about how to preorder the DVD/blu-ray, or to explore other options on how to support this new and wonderfully inventive horror franchise. 

 

Links:
Click here for Before The Mask on Kickstarter. 

Click here to buy BehindThe Mask swag and merch (which will also help fund Before The Mask).

Click here to show your support by liking Before The Mask on Facebook.

And get on Twitter and tell Leslie Vernon he’s your favorite serial killer and you want to have his baby. Erm, or not. That might be kind of weird. But you can still tell him he’s your favorite serial killer.

Honest Abe? Try Honest Ass Kicker!

Posted by Boo

As some of you may know, I have been looking forward to the movie rendition of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Especially once it was tagged with an R rating. I recently read the book, and while a charming tale, I did find myself a bit wanting. Specifically, wanting a bit more action and gore. I wouldn’t be opposed to some flashy explosions, either.  In my book review (click here to read the entire review), I pointed out that I’m already accepting the ridiculousness that Abraham Lincoln, one of the greatest Presidents of the United States, hunts vampires. The concept is over the top. So why not give me some over the top fun to go with it? I’m so happy to report that the makers of this flick clearly felt the same way!

Not only did Abraham Lincoln get the Tim Burton producer stamp of approval, but it was directed by Timur Bekmambetov. If you’re left scratching your head at that name, I’ll enlighten you. Bekmambetov, a Russian director, gave us Night Watch and Day Watch. If you haven’t seen, I particularly recommend Night Watch with the subtitles. One of the most inventive uses of subtitles I have ever seen. Bekmambetov made them a part of the movie, using different colors, textures, and placement to transform them into an art form, something to enhance the dialogue, rather than just recycle it.

Note: The Watch books, by Sergei Lukyanenko, upon which those movies are based, are also high on my recommended reading list. They are a bit different, the supernatural and magical concepts a bit more abstract, but I easily found myself drawn into Lukyanenko’s world.

What the Watch movies and Abraham Lincoln have in common is their heavy use of digital effects. However, Bekmambetov isn’t interested in the typical uses of the technology. He’s not just using it to enhance a bloody scene or remove a limb. He’s using it to transform the entire fucking world as you know it. He is the perfect director to give me the over the top action that I want from this story.

My favorite action sequence involved Lincoln and a vampire fighting amongst a stampede of wild horses, while TD was awestruck by a sequence involving a brawl on a train (think Back to the Future 3 on steroids). Both scenes are filled with intricately choreographed fight sequences that kept us on the edge of our seats.

The action aside, this movie could have failed if put into the wrong actor’s hands, particularly the Abraham Lincoln character. Benjamin Walker, a relatively unknown actor, did a fantastic job as our Honest Abe. His demeanor captured the perfect combination of poise and balls-out fearlessness that Lincoln’s character needed for this story. And it didn’t hurt that he looked exactly like our 16^th President in his iconic beard and stovepipe hat.

Also noteworthy was Rufus Sewell as our head villain, Adam. Sewell has been on the acting scene since the 90’s, popping up in various TV and movie roles. His most popular role being from The Illusionist (haven’t seen it – I saw the other one, The Prestige, because the Hugh Jackman/Christian Bale sandwich was just too good to resist). Sewell clearly had a ball playing this character, and that energy translated well onto the big screen.  

I won’t give anything away, but I just have to say the ending in the flick far exceeded the book’s ending, which was predictable and flat. The movie’s ending, however, warranted a solid fist pump, followed by an audible “Fuck yeah!”

If you were looking for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter to be a verbatim retelling of the book, you’ll be sorely disappointed. The movie has made several plot changes, and the end result is something vastly different from the book. However, keep in mind that Seth Graham-Smith, the author of the book, also penned our screenplay. The spirit and intent of the book has not been lost within this cinema adaptation. 

I am looking forward to this movie becoming a solid part of the TD and Boo movie collection, one that will be revisited often.

Ridley's Resurrection

Posted by TD

I’m going to be completely honest here. When I first heard that there was a possibility of a prequel to the Alien films, I was as nervous as I was excited about the prospect.  My favorite film franchise hasn’t had anything even resembling a quality entry in the series for over 20 years now. Alien Resurrection left a lot to be desired, and then there were the disastrous Alien vs. Predator films that sounded so great on paper… only to end up being so poorly executed that I wanted to personally shred that paper into a million incompetent little pieces.

A glimmer of hope for a return to respectability started to burn for me at some point in late 2010. That was when I heard Ridley Scott was on board to direct, with Damon Lindelof of LOST fame working on turning a script, by Screenwriter Jon Spaights, into a more original story. Ridley Scott, the Director who started it all, circling back to deliver a prequel sounded like just the kick in the ass this franchise desperately needed.

Interestingly enough, I actually prefer James Cameron’s Aliens to the original film - as a matter of fact it’s my favorite sequel of all time - but I have to admit that I’m not quite sure if I want James Cameron circa 2012 going near this franchise.  Cameron today seems more interested in pretending he invented 3D, rather than actually delivering hard hitting material with some substance. I know he is a very talented Director, but he hasn’t really done anything I’ve been interested in since Terminator 2. Coincidentally also over 20 years ago!

Ridley Scott actually hasn’t done anything in the Sci-Fi genre since the excellent Blade Runner in 1982. But that doesn’t mean he has stopped releasing quality films. Hannibal, Gladiator, and American Gangster are three relatively recent examples of the quality in filmmaking this guy is clearly never going to lose. He can tackle any genre, but we all know where he shines the brightest…

Welcome back to the Sci-Fi genre, Ridley Scott!

To say I was not prepared for what awaited me when I walked into that IMAX theater is the understatement of the year so far. Not only has this film brought the franchise back to a level of quality not seen since Aliens, it has done so in such a masterful way that I didn’t even miss the fact that everyone’s favorite banana headed beasts aren’t really the focal point here. What we have here is a superbly crafted new story, set in the same universe as the Alien films, but around 30 years before the events of the first film.

In 2089, Archeologists Elizabeth Shaw (played by Noomi Rapace – the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in the Swedish version of the film) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) discover a star map that is exactly the same through many unconnected ancient cultures.  They are able to get a mission to follow the map funded by Peter Weyland  (Guy Pearce) to the moon LV-223 in search of what they believe to be the origin of Human life. But since this is a film from the Alien franchise, you can imagine that what they find isn’t exactly what they planned for…or very happy to see them!

The film triumphs on every conceivable level for me. The visual effects are some of the best I’ve ever seen, the casting is perfect, and the performances are excellent across the board. If Michael Fassbender’s performance as the Android “David” doesn’t get an Oscar nomination, than there is something seriously rotten in Denmark. His performance is the heart and soul of this film…and he’s playing a robot! I knew this guy was talented the very first time I saw him in Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, but I was not aware he had a performance of this caliber in him. I have a feeling he is going to be a huge star in the years to come. 

Fassbender isn’t the only one to have delivered what I would consider to be a breakout performance in the film. Noomi Rapace, having the role of the female lead in an Alien film, will inevitably be compared to Sigourney Weaver’s masterful performances that came before, and while not quite on par with Sigourney’s best work (not even fair to compare to who I consider to be the Best Actress In Hollywood!) she definitely holds her own. There is one scene in particular where she is dealing with a mind-blowingly hideous concept as far as pain is concerned, and I absolutely believed she was going through it. This is one actress who is not afraid to put it all out there.  Seeing the tendons in this girl’s neck looking like they were going to burst out at one point was really creepy. I could be wrong, but I think that was all performance there. Nothing to do with makeup or effects!

The rest of the cast does a fine job as well. Idris Elba, who until now I always remembered as Michael Scott’s boss on season five of The Office, plays Janek, the Captain of the Prometheus, and does his very best to channel one of my favorite characters from any of the Alien films, Apone. Fans of Aliens will recall Apone as the no nonsense Sergeant of the Marine squad. Incidentally I wanted to name our cat Freddy after that character. Obviously that was overruled by Mrs. Horror!

Charlize Theron plays the suit of the film, and is doing her best to transform into the bitch from corporate hell. From what I have read, she didn’t have the time available to play the lead character due to previous commitments, but said she would happily accept a smaller part because she knew it would be a great film. Her star quality, and the fact that she fills out the suit rather nicely, only added to the film, even if it was a lesser role than she would normally have.

When it was announced that the film was going to be shot in 3D, I have to admit to rolling my eyes at the thought. The Alien films aren’t about gimmicks, and Ridley is far too talented a Director to rely on them. I am happy to report that the 3D is simply used as another tool in the visual canon. It is not overbearing, and it only serves to enhance the visuals. I found it to be the most tasteful use of 3D I have ever seen. If all Directors would utilize 3D in the fashion that Scott has here, I would definitely be more interested in seeing it in the future.

I haven’t really gone into too much detail regarding the connection to the Alien franchise in this review. That is by design. The film has its own story, but is definitely set in the same universe as those acid-for-blood-having little shits are.  I was so wrapped up in said story that I kind of forgot about the fact that it is in the same universe for a while. That is until the last fifteen minutes of the film. Then things got…even more interesting.  I nearly cried tears of geek joy at the final shot in the film. I’ll just leave it at that!

 I had heard Ridley Scott was absolutely furious that the ratings board wouldn’t give him a PG-13 for this film. I have to say that the only mistake he may have made during the entire creation was being upset about that. There is NO WAY the cut of the film I saw was going to get anything less than an R! Ridley went for brutal with a capital B on this flick.  I know that meant a few less asses were allowed in the seats (and would be one of the major factors why Madagascar 3 won the weekend, even though Prometheus was a very strong $50 Million #2!),  but since the film is all the better for it, in the end it really doesn’t matter.

 Prometheus is an absolute masterpiece. It has instantly vaulted into my Top 10 Films of All Time list standing proudly right behind Aliens and Alien. It is the best film I have seen since Tarantino unleashed his aforementioned Basterds (interestingly enough Michael Fassbender was in that one too!) on me back in 2009.

I want to thank all involved for finally righting the wrongs against this franchise that have been going on for far too long, and in far too hideous (and not in a good way either)  a fashion. I can say without a doubt that I am looking forward to the sequel to this film which I know we will get. It was very successful at the box office this past weekend, and I don’t see any reason for a huge drop off next week. The word of mouth for it has been excellent. And for the people who say that Alien would be the sequel to Prometheus, I give you the following quote from Ridley Scott, “"If we're lucky, there'll be a second part. It does leave you with some nice open questions."

 Lucky means successful at the box office. It was, and I am ready to further explore. There are other worlds than these. Even if no one can hear you scream in some of them!

FIVE Jaws Barrels Out Of Five

Not Your Typical Creature Feature...

Posted by Boo

This weekend, TD and I took a jaunt into the backwoods of Louisiana. Not literally, of course, but vicariously, through a movie called Creature. Creature is the directorial debut of Fred Andrews, who has previously worked as a production designer on the TV show Without a Trace, as well as on one of the 8 Films to Die For called Dark Ride. Not only did Andrews direct Creature, but he co-wrote the script with Tracy Morse. Morse has dabbled in various facets of the movie biz, but nothing particularly noteworthy.

This movie begins with a group of young, college-aged kids taking a camping trip somewhere out in the forests of Louisiana. So far, it’s starting out like a lot of our favorite slasher flicks, and the homage becomes even greater when they stop off at a backwoods convenience store for a potty break, only to find the joint crawling with a few creepy locals.

Among those locals is none other than Sid Haig, the ever unforgettable Captain Spaulding from House of 1,000 Corpses. Spaulding has become as iconic as some of the other creepy clown favs, like Pennywise, the Joker, and that terrifying clown doll from Poltergeist. So it's not surprising that Haig tends to dominate any scene he's in, and this holds true for his work in Creature. And to make matters even better, he is surrounded by good company, because the other two creepy locals, Bud (Wayne Pere) and Jimmy (Davis Jensen) are rock stars in their own character skins. Jensen in particular sticks in my mind. He was able to perfectly embrace that Bayou accent, an accent that’s as muddy as the swamps from whence it came. Jensen is captivating, absolutely believable in his hillbilly-isms, and his on screen chemistry with his hillbilly cohort, Pere, is really fun to watch.

Our college kids are no acting slouches, either. Most recognizable is Mehcad Brooks, who played the character Eggs in the ever baffling season two of True Blood. And chances are every male viewer – and some female viewers – will find it hard to stop looking at Brooks’ movie girlfriend, played by the lovely Serinda Swan. The only actor in this film that didn’t impress me much was Amanda Fuller playing Beth, the straight laced chick of the bunch. I wasn’t surprised to find her career is riddled with mediocre bit parts in various TV shows, though she does have a recurring role on Grey’s Anatomy.

Yawn.

But I digress…

As you can imagine, our fun-loving camping trip turns into a swampy nightmare of epic proportions. However, don’t be fooled! This isn’t your typical low budget movie monster senselessly rampaging and killing college kids simply because they dare fornicate and smoke pot. No, this monster has a calculated agenda, an agenda which requires some kind of smarts to execute. And whenever our monster has smarts, he stops being low budget cheese and starts being, well, plain fucking scary!

I won’t go into more detail, because there are a few plot twists that I don’t want to inadvertently give away. I am a firm believer that our internet community should use a little discretion in their spoilers, and if they must – absolutely must! – give something away, they should do so with a very clear spoiler alert. I, however, subscribe to the theory that if you’re so damn interested, don’t rely on internet spoilers, just watch the thing yourself!

I will say that while the plot twists were fun, I almost missed the first one. The hubby had to point it out to me. And I had a lot of questions, questions which were never fully answered. I suspect this was intentional, to give Creature a bit of mystery and intrigue, but sometimes mystery and intrigue stops being mystery and intrigue and just feels distractingly vague. As a viewer, I feel I must have certain questions answered, and when I don’t get those answers, I’m a little let down.

There was also a point near the end where I started to have a “this is getting weird, guys” kind of moment, the plot becoming a little unfocused and getting out of hand. But then I remember this is Andrews first directing, as well as writing, credit. For a first effort, it’s quite solid. I’ve seen some real stinkers out there, stinkers from seasoned film makers, mind you – and at this point we are all looking at George Lucas in shame for his epic turd, Phantom Menace – so, if the plot gets a little wonky in Creature, meh, we can hang with it.

In the end, the monster in Creature, with a really stellar creature design, is so fun to watch on screen that the flaws in its plot really don’t matter. And backed by some solid acting and an inventive story, this is definitely worth checking out, guys.

Dark Shadows Is "Love Letter To Horror Fans"

TD’s thoughts:

I’ll start this off by making it quite clear that I cannot call myself a fan of the original Dark Shadows TV show. I have only vague memories of seeing it on occasion when I was extremely young. To be perfectly honest, I had never even really thought about the show again since then. That is until last year when I heard that The Bromantic Pair, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, were adapting a feature film based on the show.  That pair is usually magic together, although I must admit to having never cared for Edward Scissorhands, which was the start of their partnership, and not exactly being blown away by anything other than Visual Effects in the recent films Alice In Wonderland and Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. I would, however, give four out of the seven films they have worked on together anywhere from a passing grade (Corpse Bride, Sleepy Hollow) to extremely high marks (Ed Wood, Sweeney Todd) so I decided I definitely had to give Dark Shadows a chance.

Much like Barnabas says to one of the victims he’s feeding on, “You have no idea how thirsty I’ve been”…for an actual good vampire film to come around these last few years. There have been a few here and there (Stake Land comes to mind), but for the most part we have been fed nothing but absolute drivel. Leave it to Tim Burton to throw his hat in the genre fire and watch it burn brighter than a thousand suns!

I absolutely adore everything about this film. First and foremost, I love how Depp is so into playing the character of Barnabas. It is like he is discovering his love of acting all over again, feeling like the first time. I know from many interviews with him that this guy would probably be happier if he had made it as a musician, rather than actor. This is one of the few times (Ed Wood is another rare example) that I can tell he is having an enormous amount of fun playing the character. As the film progresses, and every line he speaks just reinforces this belief. It is as if he knows that there is a chance he will only be able to play the lead character from a TV show that he adores once in his life, and damned if he isn’t going to throw every ounce of energy he can into this performance. He is absolutely mesmerizing in the role. I will argue with anyone who wants to, that this is probably the defining performance of his career. 

The story is pretty straightforward, which I really appreciated. I was a little concerned going into this, thinking that I would enjoy it more had I known the many storylines from the TV show. That is absolutely not the case at all. If anything, I would imagine it might hinder it a bit, because you would be comparing the two while watching the film.

Barnabas makes the (as it turns out) quite foolish mistake of breaking a woman’s, named Angelique (played by the stunning Eva Green,) heart. Unfortunately for Old Barn, this woman just happens to be a witch. Apparently the evil and powerful ones aren’t all decrepit hags, because she curses Barnabas but good. He gets turned into a Vampire, and if that isn’t bad enough, she decides to have him buried alive for a 200 year dirt nap. Eventually he gets out of this predicament, and returns to his family’s mansion in the year 1972. He finds the mansion in disrepair, and his descendants are in much the same shape! 

The main criticism I have heard about this film is that Burton isn’t really stretching himself as a director. I’m not putting a whole lot of stock in that claim. This doesn’t feel like a film that I’ve seen from him before, even though it obviously has his stamp all over it. If you come across a Tim Burton film, you will know it is his work within five minutes. There isn’t a higher compliment I can pay to a Director than that. What I said about Depp loving the material applies to Tim Burton as well. I can tell that a lot of care was put into getting this note perfect, and the end result is anything but paint by numbers. The film does feature Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter as Burton has cast many times before, but there is a reason they are there - Depp is the Marlon Brando of our time, and Helena Bonham Carter may be Burton’s partner in real life, but she wouldn’t be any more than a bit part in one of Burton’s films if she wasn’t a damn good actress.

The supporting cast is extremely solid as well. Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen, Freddy Krueger in the criminally underrated remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street) is hilarious as drunkard Caretaker Willie Loomis, Michelle Pfeiffer reunites with Burton after 20 years earlier, meowing and hissing her way into my heart as Catwoman, rising young star Chloë Grace Moretz grows up before our eyes as Carolyn Stoddard, and we even get a fantastic cameo by my personal favorite Vampire of all time…Christopher Lee! He appears in a fantastic silver screen role reversal that was a ton of fun to watch, albeit brief. If I ever meet Tim Burton, I’m buying him a beer for that quick scene alone!  Well, that and the fact that he allowed Alice Cooper  two songs in his cameo, and one of them is one of my absolute favorite Alice tunes of all time. Not going to post the song title for the Alice fans who might be reading this, though. I want them to be as surprised as I was!

Having given all of the above praise, I will fully admit that this film, for the most part, is NOT going to be accepted by mainstream audiences. There are a couple of scenes that come to mind that just aren’t the “kid friendly” kind of safe that appease the masses.  On top of that, Burton just isn’t going to give you one tone with his films, and pretty much never really has. There are always a range of emotions going on in Burton’s films. This one is no exception. It’s as if he is deliberately making sure the tone does not sway too far in any one direction. He refuses to allow his films to be pigeonholed, and should be loudly applauded for staying true to his vision.

I want to truly thank Tim Burton and Johnny Depp from the bottom of my black heart for loving Dark Shadows enough to decide to deliver this wonderful film to the masses. It is a riotously entertaining love letter to Horror fans the world over, and I, for one, cannot wait for the Bluie release to take many more trips into the Shadows for many years to come.  Bravo, gentlemen.

Four ½ JAWS Barrels Out Of Five

Boo’s Thoughts:

Truthfully, I don’t have that much to add, because my ever articulate husband has already said much of what needs to be said. I had no doubts that I would love this film. I’m one of the biggest Tim Burton marks out there. I was nine or ten when I first saw Beetlejuice and it was the greatest thing in the world! Never before had a movie so resonated with little Boo’s fanciful heart. 

And Burton has never disappointed me since. Wait, there was that Edward Scissorhands movie. Apparently I’m in the minority (so it’s lucky I found TD!), in that I found Scissorhands to be so boring. Maybe it’s because I’m not really a froo-froo-lovey-movie kind of girl (though Sense & Sensibility will get me every time). Or maybe it’s because Johnny Depp was so not as hot as he should be. Or maybe it’s just because I can’t watch that movie without obsessing over the big question, “How the hell does that guy wipe after taking a shit?!” Whatever it is, it didn’t do it for me.

But that movie aside, Burton has never disappointed me. And Dark Shadows is no exception.

I just have to reiterate how unfair I think some reviewers comments have been. Burton’s being lazy? America has fallen out of love with Johnny Depp? This just doesn’t make any sense to me. Maybe these comments are derived from the fact that Burton and Depp do their own thing now, march to their own drummer, and therefore are whittling their audiences down to the most diehard, loyal fans. If that’s the case, more power to them. As two cinematic titans, these two have put in their time, made their money, and are more than entitled to make the movies they want to make, and not necessarily the movies the masses want to see.

But I also have to wonder if those reviewers were ones that had sentimental attachments to the TV series. If you’re a super fan of the TV series, loved the tortured and morose Barnabas Collins, then this might not be the movie for you. And that’s understandable. I feel your pain, peeps. As a monster fan of the Sookie Stackhouse books, I’m having some serious issues with True Blood. Like why is Tara such a, hateful, angry bitch? Is it really necessary to spend half of every goddamn episode in bed with Sookie and Eric? AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT STUPID HEAVENLY LIGHT SHOOTING FROM SOOKIE’S PALM?!

Okay, I have to stop, I’m getting heartburn.

So, yeah, get out there and see Dark Shadows. It may not appeal to the masses, but it should appeal to all of our fellow horror fans!

Click here to see the trailer for Dark Shadows.

Never Cry Werewolf Cries, "Fright Night Did It!"

Ever wonder what Fright Night would have been like with werewolves instead of vampires? Well, folks, you need look no further to satisfy your curiosity than the movie Never Cry Werewolf.

This movie is the lovechild of some screenwriter (John Sheppard) and a Fright Night obsession. From character names, to camera work, to its plot, this movie mimics everything Fright Night. But it is also obvious this movie knows it's being shameless, probably even finds it as funny as me,  which always makes for a better viewing experience with these low budget, made for TV movies.

We have some notables in this film. Our Charley Brewster type character in this flick is Loren, played by Nina Dobrev, who is now the star of the TV series, Vampire Diaries. Our Jerry Dandridge in werewolf form is played by Peter Stebbings. Stebbings, who looks as if Gary Sinise and David Bowie mated, has a career that is pretty mundane, with mostly television gigs under his belt. I actually remembered him from the X-Files episode, "Gender Bender", in which he has a significant part. But the reason you pay your money for this flick is to see Kevin Sorbo, who we all know from the TV series Hercules, playing a Peter Vincent meets Crocodile Hunter character to fight alongside Dobrev and defeat the shapeshifting evil, whose name is...(wait for it)...Jared.

So, since I'm assuming most of my readers (all three of you) are familiar with Fright Night, I don't need to give any kind of plot summary of Never Cry Werewolf. But whereas vampire Jerry came across as dangerous, yet alluring, werewolf Jared just comes across as a serious creeper. It's ironic, too, considering the opening of our movie shows Jared in werewolf form killing the neighborhood child molester. Perhaps he just didn't want the competition.

His creeper image isn't helped by the fact that Dobrev looks like she is twelve years old, sweet and innocent, unspoiled by life and its nasty surprises. Surprisingly, though, Dobrev's sweet and pretty face doesn't hide the bad acting performance. Usually I'm able to blame bad screenwriting for some of these actors' poor performance, but not this one. The script was actually competent, and fairly witty, but for some reason, Dobrev often comes across as emotionless, not very present in her character. It's only near the end, when she turns into a survivor, rather than a child preyed upon by a supernatural creeper, that we start to see why she's gone on to have some notable success.

I was never a consistent Hercules watcher, but for many years it preceded Sci-Fi reruns of The X-Files, so I did watch several episodes in my time. And I can see why the show was successful. Kevin Sorbo is a likable guy. Maybe not the best actor, but a genuine one, and it's easy to feel a connection with his onscreen presence. It was no different in Never Cry Werewolf. He was clearly the veteran actor on this film, giving some of his fellow, younger cast members a lesson or two in how to deliver a performance.

I also have to give props to the Evil Ed of the film, a classmate of Loren's named Steve, played by Sam O'Neill, who is clearly tripping over himself to get closer to Loren. He finally gets his chance and, of course, ends up bitten by Jared, and subjected to a painful werewolf transformation with lots of vomiting and other unpleasantness. Unfortunately, O'Neill has seemed to drop out of the acting biz, never doing another movie after Never Cry Werewolf. Which is kind of a shame, because he put his heart and soul into his performance, and was able to maintain his character even through some heavy duty makeup.

I give this movie a lot of grief, but the truth is, I enjoyed it. It's amusing. Maybe not so much for the reasons the filmmakers intended, but amusing nonetheless. After all, art speaks differently to each person. Or maybe it's just a case of one man's garbage is another man's treasure.

Hoodoo Voodoo? RiffTrax Do!

After decades of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fandom, TD and I have ventured into the RiffTrax world. For those of you who aren't familiar with RiffTrax, MST3K's Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy (Tom Servo), and Bill Corbett (Crow) do what they did best in MST3K, riffing on movies with their rapier wit, but without the iconic visuals of our puppet friends in the theater. We actually popped our RiffTrax cherry last week with a movie called  Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Yeah, don't ask. I don't have much to say about it, except it was single handedly the weirdest movie I have ever seen. Pretty sure the entire crew was taking regular doses of acid during the making of that movie.

This week, however, we watched the boys riff a Bela Lugosi movie called Voodoo Man. Really, there is not much to say about this movie, either, but it was just a smidgeon more coherent than Santa. Lugosi plays Dr. Richard Marlowe, our Voodoo man, and kidnaps lots of young females, hypnotizes them, and...well, just hypnotizes them, I guess. The movie never really makes it clear what exactly Marlowe wants from his victims. Thank the gods for IMDB! He is apparently combining voodoo and hypnotism to "transfer life essence" from the victims to "revivify" his dead wife. (For the record, revivify is actually a real word!)

Lugosi was never famed for making wise choices in movie roles, and this one was certainly not one of his finest. He spends the majority of the time in a choir robe with cheap sew-on patches, very reminiscent of the Master in Manos: The Hands of Fate. Maybe if I had some actual sense of plot, I could say if Lugosi was doing a competent job or not, but truthfully, I just couldn't get past trying to figure out what the fuck was going on! But really, Lugosi is Lugosi regardless of the movie. Kind of a one trick pony, but it's a trick that never gets old for me.

Also in this movie is John Carradine, the late David Carradine's father. But don't get your hopes up. Carradine delivers by far the goofiest performance of the movie, making Lugosi's poorly patched choir robes look downright dignified. There was weird facial expressions, gawky body movements. I get that we wanted this character to be a bumbling fool, but was it really necessary to push him darn near "full retard"? TD is convinced Crispin Glover channeled this Carradine character for his Back to the Future's George McFly performance, because their physical presence and facial expressions are so similar. Only Glover exemplifies an ability to use restraint, keeping it mildly goofy and wholly entertaining.  

The movie's incompetence aside, Mike, Kevin, and Bill are strong as ever in their riffs. And now that they are not under the constraints of network television, they can take their riffing as far as they see fit. They don't abuse their power, though, and still rely on subtle insinuations, which are often funnier than a the brash or in your face riffs that could be used instead, which after all, is the trademark of the MST3K legacy.

If you're a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, you must check out RiffTrax. If you're not a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, you still must check out RiffTrax. Just don't start with Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, because that's ivy league stuff, and might leave you feeling mentally violated. We don't want you to be afraid to return to the RiffTrax pool, after all!

Click here to check out Voodoo Man, or (at your own risk) Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, and all the other movies RiffTrax has to offer.  

Less Chatter, More Vampire Wars!

Posted by Boo

This weekend, my movie choice was a futuristic vampire move called Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe.  I only had to read the first half of the first sentence of the plot synopsis to know this was a movie made for me. “In 2210, mankind has explored the space and found a vampiric menace…” Oh yeah. I’m in. And if that wasn’t enough, the little note on the back of the case stating, “Rated R for intense gore and violence” sealed the deal.

IMDB describes this films as “’Buffy’ meets ‘Star Trek’ in a ‘Mad Max’ world.” I beg to differ. I would describe it as “The-Director-Wanted-To-Wear-His-Movie-Influences-On-His-Sleeve”. Which results in a movie that looks like if Aliens mated with the original Predator and then that movie-baby mated with a vampire. From character personalities, to set design, to the camerawork, it was all very obvious what movies this film crew watches on the weekends. And they didn’t bother making any attempt to hide it. Our vampire killing team even uses these influences to label their types of vampires: Vorhees, Leatherfaces…and let me tell you, folks, the “Leatherface” vampires don’t disappoint.

There are some noteworthy actors in Vampire Wars, which is also known as Bloodsuckers. There is Joe Lando, who some of you might remember as Jane Seymour’s hunk of burning love from the TV series Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Personally, I never watched the show (snore), but Lando spent several seasons on the show before Vampire Wars, and therefore it is noteworthy.

We also have Dominic Zamprogna, who spent a couple of years as a recurring character on Battlestar Galactica, and as of 2009 has had a steady career on the daytime soap Guiding Light.

Then there is the ever endearing Michael DeLuise, whom I know best as one of the camera crew for Wayne and Garth in the ever hilarious Wayne’s World movie. But Michael also played a younger version of his older brother, Peter, in several episodes of 21 Jumptstreet.

But what seems to surprise most viewers of this film is the presence of Michael Ironside. My hubby remembers the guy from the 1981 flick, Scanners (which I still have yet to see, by the way – I know, shame on me!). The name isn’t familiar to me, but looking through his resume on IMDB, this guy has kept busy. From Scanners to Total Recall, to Free Willy, to voiceovers in the Splinter Cell video games, this guy has his finger in lots of pies.

And then there is the real star of this film, the one where every review I read has nothing but gushing words to say about them – or their skimpy outfits. And that is Natassia Malthe. Malthe’s IMDB resume isn’t so noteworthy to me, but she was in the 2006 werewolf movie Skinwalkers, which I’ve heard was decent. But really, judging from the drooling IMBD posts I’ve read, Malthe could be famous for Depends commercials and there would still be mass amounts of horny boys, and some horny girls, overloading YouTube as they try to get a glimpse of this beauty in a pair of adult diapers. Malthe as Quintanna was my favorite “good guy” character in the movie. She wasn’t the greatest actress in the film, but obviously enjoyed playing her Underworld Selene-esk type of character, and it was actually kind of endearing, to be honest.

I’d summarize the plot for you, but in all honesty, it was unnecessarily intricate, too many pieces and too much drama between too many sets of people. I became lost halfway through the movie. But that’s okay, because I didn’t need any real sense of plot to enjoy the villainous, savage, and homicidal vampires this movie gave me. Every single actor that played a vampire put their heart into the role. They went balls out, weren’t afraid to come off as silly, and even seemed proud to be in this TV movie piece of cheese, and it resulted in some very campy, but creepy vampires.  

Michael Ironside, who played Muco, one of the top vampires, was no exception. While some online reviews claimed he embarrassed himself by appearing in this movie, I disagree. I thought his character was witty, amusing, and executed with a level of esteem that brought some credibility to the film. Yeah, he was surrounded by amateurs, but he certainly didn’t let that stop him from giving a rock star performance.



Phleg is one bad ass vamp, dude.



My favorite vampire character, though, goes to Phleg, played by David Palffy. My fellow X-Files nerds will remember Palffy as season four’s Dark Man in the episodes “Max” and “Tempus Fugit”. Phleg is a smarmy prick of a vampire, willing to go to any lengths to save his own ass. My favorite kind! And Palffy played it perfectly. I liked it so much I think Phleg should get his own spin-off movie. Maybe even his own reality TV series!

My main criticism of Vampire Wars is its failure to deliver on any kind of coherent plot. It’s another situation where our director, Matthew Hastings, maybe too immersed in his own work to see it, missed the mark on what the movie’s strengths and weaknesses were. The action, the gore, the witty banter between our heroes and villains – those all worked for me. But then we’d take detours into the personal lives of our heroes. Messy relationships, misunderstandings, lots of petty bickering. Petty bickering which was doled out so passionately in one scene, but then so easily forgiven in the next with mundane words and pointless actions. And then a few scenes later, we’re right back to passionate, petty bickering again. It was all very schizophrenic.

Overall, the vampires in Vampire Wars are what makes this movie most enjoyable. This originally aired on the Sci-Fi network (before they changed it to that stupid SyFy logo), and I was proud that the filmmakers did not skimp on the gore. Some of these SyFy made-for-TV-movies are a little too timid with their gore and violence, attempting to cater to more mainstream masses. But really, let’s be honest, what Suzi Homemaker or Average Joe is sitting down on a Saturday morning to watch Vampire Wars on SyFy? These people are more into drivel like The Artist and The Tree of Life. It’s nerds like us, the ones that love horror and science fiction – and maybe even go so far as to get an X-Files tattoo – that are even bothering to give a move like this a chance.

So, goddammit, Syfy, cater to us!

Frank-lee Lacking...

Posted by TD

I’ve been on quite the Hammer Horror kick lately. I’ve always wanted to get into the Hammer Collection, but I didn’t really know where to start. I had seen Horror Of Dracula, The Curse Of Frankenstein, and a couple of others when I was young, but I knew there was much more to be discovered in the Hammer canon. The latest issue of the excellent magazine Horrorhound has remedied that little problem. They did a great piece on Christopher Lee, and included a “Hammer Horror Buyers Guide” which I have utilized to purchase several different Hammer Horror DVD collections on eBay. I’ll be reviewing films from the various collections as I watch them in future posts on the blog.

This was the first Frankenstein film from the aforementioned collections that I had never seen before. I’ve actually never seen the first Frankenstein sequel, The Revenge Of Frankenstein, but since that one isn’t included in any of the sets I purchased, I’m just going to have to deal with seeing them out of order. Especially considering the fact that I watched the sequel that was released after this one Frankenstein Created Woman on IFC last Halloween.

The popular opinion seems to be that this is one of the lesser entries in Hammer’s Frankenstein film series.  Sadly I can’t say I completely disagree.

The film begins with Frankenstein, played, as usual, to perfection by the “great in everything” Peter Cushing, and his assistant Hans (Sandor Eles) fleeing town due to his experiments. They end up at his chateau to find out that it has been ransacked. Frankenstein and Hans then head into Karlstaad, which Old Frank was banished from years before, for his not-so-beloved-by-the-public experimental ways. They hope to slide through unnoticed, luckily for them, there is a carnival going on. They get made when Frankenstein sees that the Burgomaster is wearing one of his rings, which leads to Frankenstein having a meltdown in a crowded tavern. They are then chased out of town and into some mountains where a little, deaf-mute girl lets them stay in her cave. This is where they see The Monster chilling in a block of ice out of nowhere and the “fun” is supposed to begin. 

Too bad The Monster doesn’t listen to the Doc’s commands when they thaw him out. This means he has to enlist the help of the Carnival Hypnotist, Professor Zoltan (Peter Woodthorpe) who just might be one of the most finely tuned douchebag characters ever to be captured on film. Things rapidly go downhill from there, as they usually do when you’re dealing with a tool like Zoltan.

This by no means was what I would call a “bad” film, but when comparing it to a masterpiece like The Curse Of Frankenstein, it really doesn’t hold up too well. The Cinematography and Set Design are up to the usual Hammer standards, as the picture is quite beautiful, but I have to say I found myself missing something.

Or missing someone is more accurate, actually.

I REALLY missed the presence of Christopher Lee as The Monster! I know Bela Lugosi complained in Ed Wood that Karloff’s portrayal of The Monster was “all makeup and moaning”, but I respectfully disagree.

I know that we’re talking about Lee and not Karloff here, but the point I’m making is that there IS an art form to playing a Monster who doesn’t speak. Lee is such a fine actor that it didn’t matter that he didn’t speak a word for his performance in The Curse of Frankestein, because what he exuded just in his eyes could go from being genuinely frightening to painfully sad in a matter of seconds. Kiwi Kingston's Creature just sort of lumbers around without ever really evoking much emotion for the character. I don’t think he did a poor job, but he did have some (pardon the pun) awful big shoes to fill after a legend like Christopher Lee’s performance. The creature design is also done rather poorly. It was so goofy looking that it made me think Adam Green might have been parodying it a bit with the design on Kane Hodder for his Chillerama entry “The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein”!

Aside from those criticisms the story is also really silly. I just don’t see someone as intelligent as Dr. Frankenstein making some of the quite frankly idiotic decisions that he does in the film. I know we are supposed to suspend disbelief when we watch a movie, but there are times in this one that I find that really difficult to do.

The one saving grace that the film does have is Peter Cushing bringing his usual A Game to the table. I defy anyone to show me this guy giving a bad performance in anything. I always knew him as General “you may fire when ready” Tarkin from Star Wars, but I have quickly come to realize that this guy is one of my favorite actors ever to grace this planet. This is in large part due to his masterful performances in numerous Hammer Horror Films.  

Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are like the Tango & Cash of Classic Horror respectively. Great things usually seemed to happen when the two of them got together.  Unfortunately for the filmmakers, the “Cash” part of that duo decided that he wanted to do things other than play monsters all of the time and The Evil Of Frankenstein suffered for it.

The Evil Of Frankenstein will probably end up being my least favorite in Hammer’s Frankenstein series, but it earns an extra barrel alone for the fantastic Production Design, and the presence of a Screen Titan like Cushing. Though it is good to know (since I’ve already seen it) that things definitely got better in the series with the injection of some Estrogen in Frankenstein Created Woman.

Two and a half JAWS Barrels out of Five.

Click here tosee the trailer for The Evil of Frankenstein.